Saturday, April 30, 2011

no one tells u this except Alok ......Sick Marwari customs in marriage and need for training in all sphere of life..

---- Forwarded Message -----
From: Mr Alok Tholiya <>
To: Varunkumar Singh-Relationship Mgr-Agency-Mumbai-CISPL <>
Sent: Sunday, 1 May 2011 7:39 AM
Subject: no one tells u this except Alok ......Sick Marwari customs in marriage and need for training in all sphere of life..

Dear Varun,
Abt ur quote :
Motivation gives"Want To", Training gives"How To".
Combination produces "Result".
I cud not understand relevance of this mails and its timing. However the quote below is very thoughyful, inspiringand true. Training. One needs training in all sphere of life. But people think it is only driving / swimming which u have to learn. No for personality, for success, for being a good parent, for being a good spouse, for successfully running a coop soc too u need a training. Sadly for becoming a Insurance agent u need to take a compulsory training but to be a industrialist / builder / hotelier there is only one pre condition that u should take a bureacrat or politician as partner. Sadly there is no minimum qualification or training requirement for contesting elections. So we find all incompetent, psychophants, illetrerates, unskilled, untrained as ministers and our elected representatives. And their lack of skill, knowledge, expirience, competence allows bureacrats to exploit the situiation / country fully.And we see the result daily and keep suffering as slave in this country.If there were people who knew how to manage ministries, staff, public relations,how to deliver results, how to tame bureacrts then we would have surpassed China decades ago. But we r behind in all feilds , our farmers r committing suicide, atrocities on women are order of the day ( keep a red pen in hand while reading paper keep encicling the news of atyachar on women and u will see ur paper starts bleeding and not when 100 women, brides, girls are affected only one lodges complaint so what we see in news is only a tip of iceburg). There is not a day when there is no news about rape, molestation, child abuse, bride burning,wife beating,gender discrimination, assault on women etc..
Why because our samaj and our ministers and our police and our Judiciary and worst is our media which do not want to take any intiative in this direction as they r all active parter  of system which encourages women abuse.
Women and their organisation needs training to live a risk free, secured, dignified life but are there any such programme?? From the school girls should be given compulsory training of marshal arts, identifying and dealing with men who are likely to abuse them physically and mentally etc etc . You need a Anna Hajare type movement or a very strong PIL in Supreme court to ask the government to act and not to sleep on everyday news of atrocitied on women.
Unfortunaely people are forced in to marriage without making them ready for it, making them aware of its risks and responsibilities. So many marriages are burden whole life, so many go in to depression, so many women in India have to committ suicide, so many others take divorce and millions others have sadly no guts to take divorce but keep suffering, keep getting beaten up, keep getting fired, insulted, tormanted etc..
 Why??? I think except christian system/ churches  there are no other community which has pre and post marital counseling. Worst is the cases of Jains where they talk of Ahinsa( non voilence) , preach for not hurting by word or deed but whole life they insult girl, wife, women, daughter in law. IN all marwaries ( I am one and know for sure ) women are treated as second class citizen. Men in this society are born with idea that women are infirior, deserve bashing, rights curtailed, dowery demanded and girl side insulted whole life. As a bride side person you have to bown down, touch feet of groom side people, keep pleasing them as u r a slave, there is no eqaulity between girl side and boy side. Worst is that forget a old women with misconception from boy side but even young educated girls, nanads ( sister in laws) educated software engineers, big businessman take pride in dominating, insulting, abusing girl side when they are a barati ( attending marriage as a guest and relative of groom). I have been witness to marriages where all type of conditions are put on girl side ( all their dreams and ambitions to be fulfilled at the cost and nerves of girl side) . No one feels sorry for insulting girls side during and after marriage. ( Soon my son will be marrying and any sick minded double standadrd, illtreateing girl side will be thrown out by me even if he is who ' s who  or closeest relative. If they booze and become uncontrollable or even without boozing show animal instinct then they deserve to be in Zoo and not in my marriage party.
And except me today by this mail and earlier in several converstaion no one specially Indian media has ever frowned on these silly inhuman customs of India specially of Marwaries, Haryanvis and in general north Indians. U see a talk show of filies everyday on all chanele, there r channels on religions but no talk show ever on condition of girl side from a girl is born to her marriage and even beyond. Even if girl is good, girl side has not done any thing yet sick minded people in the system will advise u to be calm, cool, bow down, surrender , keep giving alms, etc etc as it is in our genes. There r no sisters with respect towards bhabhi/ bahu/ another girl born in any family who can slap a brother if wrong but girl is pressurised / sermoned/ punished and asked to bear.
So we find rightly so so many nanadas too going to jail in bride burning cases. As not even educated well placed wearing modern clothes have a courage to say brother , father or mother u r wrong. In our system only girl and girl side is wrong and they only have to bear and bow down and have to keep silent. I repeat this is a psyche in genes of even most MBA's, CA's, Engineers, lawyers, Judges, media, parliamentarians and hence this imbalance, illtreatment and dominance is not the matter of discussion in Media, courts, parliament etc ..
I will stop here by saying even for improved relatioships, like for improved career u need training. There r many many courses, centers , counselors everywhere now a days but hardly any participant as man think they r always right so no improvement required and women are brought up ( and all her parents too) with the idea that u have to live like slaves so they never feel a pinch and story goes on. Media which has so many women have never feald desire to rake up the issues like this as they ar e busy giving whay sells and what sells is page 3 type and their mind too is page 3.
So in our poisoned mind there is no motivation to improve relationships, give rightful place to girl so no want so no need to take training. And result is again what is underlined.
Thanks and Regards,
Alok Tholiya (S.E.O)
NB: For some curious I can recommend DR Hitesh Shah / 09869035111  at Malad and DR Laxmipriya (09611991586) as certified by ALOK as best, dedicated, ethical relationship experts. However there are many more. FPAI and Council for sex education and prenthood international have many experts. Atleast all corprates can have courses on these topics.
From: Varunkumar Singh-Relationship Mgr-Agency-Mumbai-CISPL <>
Sent: Saturday, 30 April 2011 7:51 PM
Subject: K V Kamath takes over from Narayana Murthy

Thanks & Kind Regards
Relationship Manager-Agency
Cholamanadalam MS GIC LTD
Motivation gives"Want To", Training gives"How To".
Combination produces "Result".

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